'Every step of the way to heaven is heaven'

So goes the wisdom of our 14th century saint, Catherine of Siena, another haloed wonder, whose feast we celebrate on April 29th. Her day coincides annually with the Green Day holiday in Japan (now a commemoration of one of the former Emperor's birthdays) and we enjoyed a grand potluck picnic feast out under the (now) fully leaved sakura trees in a forest at the local garden. These days in my town it is easy to relate to Catherine's heavenly passage through life and to be fully present to the vitality coming in.

What Catherine didn't say was that every step along the way felt like heaven. Just that it was: whether or not you knew or felt it.

Seeking an image for this post, I came across the beautiful icon by the New York-based artist Eileen McGuckin. I love the vibrant blues she has used in the background and the deep indigo of the cloak. 'God,' said Catherine, 'is closer to us than water to a fish.' The light shines beautifully through and calls to me in a way that I can sense so much better!

My interest in halos is, in part, due to the mystery-filled wonder windows that icons are. I am greatly attracted by them even while a lot of the time I don't really 'get' them in the way I think I could. My 'access' for the time being feels limited. That said, for now, there's something I quite like about feeling a bit disoriented by them. My interest in Catherine, other than the fact we share the name, is Dominican (for women of this tradition schooled me, consoled and grew me.) This, I was informed, was my name feast. But imagine my teenage disappointment laying eyes on this Andrea di Valli rendering of a  pale, rather sad looking and terrifically sombre soul. Consequently, I never formed much of a rapport with this particular saint, in part due that image and also because of a perhaps typically grotesque and dodgy fourteenth century hagiography that is hard to swallow. (I feel more connected with my fellow African, the much older Catherine of Alexandria--but more on that another time.)

From Ben Myers' chapter on Saints in Christ the Stranger: The Theology of Rowan Williams a reminder, or a challenge to stay open (and keep chewing!):

Much of what we call 'God' is fantasy, a self-protective projection of our own wishes and anxieties. But the anguish with which these 'holy neurotics' stand before God, the traumatic reshaping of their identities, the appalling purgation of their loves and desires --all this shows that their God could not possibly be just another instance of Freudian wish fulfilment. 'If they take God that seriously, at least this isn't some cosy made-up way of making yourself feel better.'

I'm leaving room for the possibility that we namesakes may become friends one day/ (I do like that icon. Thank you, Icon Drawer!) Catherine is a saint for nurses and the sick, for those with eating disorders and who have suffered miscarriages, for firefighters and female theologians (strong Dominican connection between love and knowledge).

For anyone interested there are a number of resources housed at the site called 'Drawn by Love' which is devoted to Catherine's life and mysticism.